so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
