I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
