You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
