I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
