I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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