You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
