So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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