just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
