im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
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I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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