I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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