so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
