You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
