I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
