who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
His nipple licking is glorious
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