I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
