All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
