Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
