if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
