you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
