Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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