You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
