i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
