New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
