we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
