just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
