It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
