Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
