Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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