so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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