Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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