Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
