is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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