I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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