Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
