I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
