i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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