A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
