she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Holy sore nipples Batman
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
