Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
