My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
