At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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