first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
