I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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