You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
