I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
