I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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