the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
