This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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