K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
