You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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