you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
