quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
