I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
