he puts the penis in happiness.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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