Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
