i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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